There are things in this existence that are fair, and there are things that are not. The rules of backgammon are undeniably fair. That Macaulay Culkin gets Mila Kunis is not. It’s not just that she looks like an anime cartoon. Or that she’s the ultimate guys’-girl, having starred in everything from The Book of Eli to Family Guy. Or that she is the type of comedian that steals every scene she’s in, most recently (and perhaps most impressively) as a foulmouthed stripper turned blackmailer who helps ruin Tina Fey and Steve Carell’s nice, suburban lives in this month’s Date Night. She is all those things, of course. But Mila Kunis also happens to be one of the funniest women we’ve ever had the good fortune to speak with.

“I love a good dick joke,” she says, in a tone usually reserved for topics like Iranian nuclear enrichment or troop levels in Waziristan. “Fart jokes. Poop jokes. They’re hilarious. They never get old. But especially not a dick joke.” Given that kind of setup, it’s impossible not to bring up 2008′s Forgetting Sarah Marshall, in which Ms. Kunis acted opposite a stark-naked Jason Segel. “Look, I want it on the record, okay?” she says. “It’s a nice dick. Well proportioned. Handsome. I have nothing but good things to say about Jason Segel’s penis.”

Funny? Smart? Generous, too? Jason Segel is welcome to join us in sticking pins in our old Home Alone dolls anytime. —Dan Fierman

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- Set 027 (Esquire)

We’ll of course be bringing you scans of Mila’s feature in the magazine as soon as it hits newsstands.